ROLLERSKATES AND DELINQUENTS, OH MY !!!!!!
Featuring Skatetown USA and Desperate Lives
The Menu:
The Cheese:
Double creme brie
Irish Cheddar with port
English Cheddar with caramelized onions (a.k.a crack cheese)
Chevre with honey (Trader Joe's......awesomeness.....go buy...today!!!)
Italian Rustica Sheep Milk cheese with lemon (wowza!)
Swiss fondue with apples and sourdough.
Homemade (with apples from my next-door neighbor's tree) apple rhubarb pie, and gluten free apple rhubarb crisp with ginger ice cream.
Bottles of Root Cabernet.
and now......the movies.
First we watched Skatetown USA (1979)
With a cast that was regurgitated from the Love Boat and Hollywood Squares, this ensemble boasts everyone from Billy Barty to Ruth Buzzi to a very young, very sassy Patrick Swayze, and a very PERKY post-Brady Bunch Maureen McCormick. OH! And lets not forget Dorothy Stratten, Scott Baio, and Flip Wilson....etc. etc......
This movie had no plot to speak of....it was a mishmash of glitter, disco balls, fluffy hair and rollerskating. We personally preferred Roller Boogie over this hot mess, but did enjoy watching Patrick Swayze do an awesome choreographed skate-number that involved a belt. (Yes!) In his recycled Warriors costume. (Double Yes!)
Awesome Quote:
Stanley: I don't drink soda before I skate....all that sugar messes up the timing!
(can I get a "bitch, please?")
The second movie of the night was a classic After School Special about teens on drugs called "Desperate Lives" (1982)
Classic Line:
We can cop a super rush!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Where to begin with this ball of ridiculousness? Should I start with the
insanely bad acting of Diana Scarwid? Or shall I start with the cheesy
drugspeak spouted by the entire cast? They refer to marijuana as "Trinidad" (!)
A very young Helen Hunt plays a good girl gone experimental because of her
super foxy new boyfriend. She learns a hard lesson when he makes some
Angel Dust in the school chem lab, and she flies out the window breaking
everything, including her sad little soul.
Her little brother becomes a weird obsession for overzealous school counselor
Diana Scarwid. She makes it her personal mission to get him off drugs. It's
really creepy. The movie drones on, people die, get more immersed into the
drug scene....and a fed the eff up Diana loses her shit and uses the master
locker key to empty all of the (neatly wrapped in Ziploc bags) drugs out of
everyone's lockers onto a rolling dolly cart. Really.
She wheels the contraband into the school holiday assembly (as you do)
and sets fire to it while spewing forth a lame soliloquy about the evils of drugs.
It ends in a standing ovation. (suuuuure...they probably were on a contact high
and just wanted her to shut up).
It was pretty amusing, but awesomely laughable...especially when the Dumbass
Duo of Tricia Cast and Doug McKeon drive over a cliff high on Angel Dust whilst
screaming "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". Complete with fake animated window shattering
effect.
And for further torture.....
The über lame lyrics to the theme song by Rick Springfield. Barf bag not included.
Desperate Lives
What's the problem here
What's the noise
I'm just waiting for the man (yea)
Me and the boys
He's got the goods
We've got the twenties, tens and fives
Everybody's doing it
Living desperate lives (living on the edge)
Desperate lives
I'm stuck in the middle
Desperate lives
My life is a riddle
And I'm sure there's a way out
When I want it
Sometimes I worry
But I'm no fool
I keep it to myself
Cause you gotta stay cool
Desperate lives
I'm stuck in the middle
Desperate lives
Sometimes I feel my life floating away
And times seems so precious
I want to hold you and say
I'm stuck in the middle
Desperate lives
My life is a riddle
Desperate lives
I'm stuck in the middle
I've got this friend you know he's real cool
He gave new meaning to the term high school
Sometimes I worry
But I'm no fool
I keep it to myself
Cause you gotta stay cool
Desperate lives
I'm stuck in the middle
Desperate lives
My life is a riddle
And I'm sure there's a way out
When I want it
Momma just looks confused and my daddy said
I've got this bomb tick, tick, ticking in my head
I'm stuck in the middle
Desperate lives
My life is a riddle
Desperate lives
I'm stuck in the middle
