Friday July 23, 2010

Bimmies and Broomsticks!!!

Featuring "Drop Dead Gorgeous" and "Born Innocent"

The Cheese:

Gorgonzola Dolce

Goat Cheese

Bellavitano Gold cheese

NY Extra sharp white Cheddar

Winey Goat

French Brie

.....the movies....

Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

Really funny black comedy starring Kirsten Dunst, Kirstie Alley, Denise Richards, Ellen Barkin, Allison Janney, and an absolutely hilarious Brittany Murphy (RIP). It's about a small town pageant (The Mount Roooooose Miss Teeeeeeeen Eeeemeeerican Peeeeaaaaagant) in Minnesota. Backstabbing, killing, and hilarity ensue while all of the contestants and their overzealous mothers battle for the crown. Cheesy all the way, but in a really good way. Definite thumbs up.

...and onto the next..

Born Innocent (1974)

Wow.....just crazy. This 1974 "Teens Behind Bars" TV movie was pretty controversial in it's day. Linda Blair plays 14 year old Christine Parker, a runaway from an abusive home. Since she's underage, kiddie jail is her only option, since her parents no longer want to care for her. It's full of cliches, but pretty raw.....right down to a horrifying scene where Linda gets raped with a broom handle in the communal showers by the other teen girl inmates. Very unsettling....so much so that after it's initial airing, it was completely removed from further broadcasts *shudders*.

Very, very raw, but very realistic. Linda does an awesome job in this one. Bad dialogue and bad hair aside....can't really poke fun at this one!!! Heebie Jeebies for days.

No trailer, but you can watch the whole durn thing on YouTube.

I'll include a suuuuuuuuuuper cheesy video/slide show some sad little emo put together.

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Good, the bad and the (downright) ugly!

Featuring "The Pigkeeper's Daughter" and "The Beach Girls"

The Cheese: (a.k.a. "the good")

(super amazing cheese this week!)

Seal Bay Triple Creme Brie

Red Leicester cheese

Irish Cheddar with Whiskey (crack cheese #2)

Etorki Sheep Milk cheese

Societe Bee Roquefort

Fig Infused Goat cheese

*drools*

...and now, The movies.....

The Pig Keeper's Daughter (1972)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069087/

No trailer available, kids...because well?? It was banned by YouTube for being nothing more than soft core porn. This movie was the "ugly" portion of the evening.....low budget to the max with the opening credits being hand painted by a sub-moronic redneck with a can of paint, some loose boards, and a bag of meth as payment. It was a catchy theme song, but once the actual movie started, Mo and I went from laughter to intense mortification in about 30 seconds. Bad, bad, BAD movie.

We gave up when a hillbilly started "nursing" our protagonist (insert shock smiley face)...and then watched our second film...

The Beach Girls (1982)

(The "bad" portion of the evening)

Hilariously bad Malibu beach romp by our friends over at Crown International....it stars 3 bimbos (one being Jeana Keough nee Tomasina of Real Housewives Of Orange County fame) and 2 other dumb broads....one the wholesome girl who goes bad (typical) Hey! let's throw some glasses on some tramp, and presto! She's wholesome! The other, a textbook blonde trollop....named Ginger....Jeana gets saddled with the unfortunate and never explained name of "Ducky".

Sarah, the wholesome one gets the keys to her Uncle Carl's (creeptastic dude that slobbers all over himself and teenage girls) swingin' beach pad for the summer...the other 2 bimbos feign friendship with her to have a beach pad to tear up for the summer.

They know no one nearby to have a party with so they (wait for it....) start calling delivery services!!!! About 700 people show up, tear that bitch UP and the willowy, frail hummingbird Sarah gets her granny panties in a bunch over it.

There's this bizarre subplot that has some drug dealers throwing Hefty bags of garbage overboard their boat. They are filled with "marijuana" that looks suspiciously like peat moss, but when the crazy kids discover it, they decide only one thing...

PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

I could go on with the plot, but it's so cliche and predictable, that you could just fill in the blanks.

Eff the best quotes....

Best scene in the movie:

(starring the gardner vs. the chauffeur!)

LOL!! That was some funny shizz. See the white folk laugh at the silly minorities!!!! Just...wrong!!

Pig Keeper's Daughter? We seriously were contemplating a brain bleaching. It was just....um....NO. Not even for a laugh. If you absolutely must....it's on Netflix "Watch Instantly"....be sure to have a strong bottle of something-something on standby.......

Beach Girls? Meh....silly beach romp that does have some laughs, but never pretends to be anything other than what it is: Boobs, Bimbos, and the Beach.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Yeah.....I know it's not technically Friday, but I got a job, so Cheese and Cheese Saturday it is!

Anyways....

Drugs and discooooooooo Saturdaaaayyyyyy!!!!!

Featuring "Thank God It's Friday" and "The Death Of Richie"

The Menu:

The Cheese:

*Brought to us by our guest and fellow cheeser Cris B. from the Cheese Shop in Studio City:

Etude Goat Cheese

Delicede Triple Cream Bourgogne

Testun Ocelli di Barolo cow/goat

Pecorino Foglie di Noce sheep

Bleu cheese with dark chocolate

Our selection:

Gouda Cheese with Olive Oil

Italian Rustico with lemon

Supreme Brie

Spanish Mahon

English Cheddar with Caramelized Onions (crack cheese)

Asiago with Rosemary and Olive Oil

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeserific!!!!!!

First we had Thank God It's Friday (1978)

Okay....where does one start with this hot mess of a movie? Dreadful acting by everyone included (there's pre-Berlin Teri Nunn, the chick from Fame, a bunch of other idiots, and Jeff Goldblum), non-existent plotline (yes....it was Skatetown, USA set in a nightclub) dialog that could have only been written under the influence of piles of cocaine, and costume design that would make the most flamboyant of drag queens cringe with embarrassment.

Sure, it had performances by Donna Summer and The Commodores which was it's only saving grace, but what the hell was up with the lame ass "dance" contest and idiotic subplot with Jeff Goldblum (in a role I can goddamnguarantee isn't on his reel) and some soccer mom trying to get it on after her husband loses his mind on a bad acid trip? There's also a cracked-out-of-his-skull DJ who spins in a bizarro bowl/chicken legged/DJ booth contraption. Yes....it's that bad.

The movie goes absolutely nowhere but down, and you're left wondering what the hell you just watched....and why.

Classic Dialog.......

Ken: You know something, what this place reminds me of? Disneyland with tits.

Marv Gomez: Dancing. Everything else is bullshit!

Then we had The Death Of Richie (1977)

Robbie Benson at his most angst-ridden. This movie is based on the true story of Richie Diener (rhymes with weiner!) a New York teen who basically goes batshit, gets messed up on drugs, abuses his family verbally and emotionally, resulting in his father shooting him in so-called "self defense" *cough* bullshit *cough*. Self defense? My ass. His father was a controlling, evil SOB who drove his son to the brink of insanity. Granted, Richie was as insolent as teens come, but shit! He sure didn't deserve to be shot by his own father!

I remember seeing this as a kid, and thinking it was super deep and heavy, man! Buttt....as an adult, I see it as an over acted, melodramatic piece of tripe. Robby B. mugs his way through the movie like a prize Virginia Ham, and makes like Macbeth moping around in his brooding scenes.

They don't have a trailer on YouTube...just the whole durn movie, if you feel so inclined....